suddenly i feel so empty, i feel like im moving towards a wall which is not there.for the first time in my life i feel that nothing is important to me,not god,not friends not family, its like nothing really matters to me anymore.
never in my life i feel like im walking towards a hole without caring if i were to fall and die,i want to feel up my empty self with something but i dont have anything to fill it up with,what the fuck is wrong with me,people say i behave as though im not my age,not in the matured way but in the childish way,can i blame anyone for my childish behaviour?my parents?my friends?the people around me? i cant,like one said, you can go blaming everywhere but it wont change anything as you yourself are the one to blame,how bout my childhood?still i cant blame that?i want to change myself but when i change myself,people will slowly hate me,i tried to change to something i was not a few years back and almost half of the world hated me, but i know that was good enough to show me who my true friends were,now i being someone trying to please others,its my nature to do that,but its not bringing any benefits for myself,but how can i be so selfish,see how confused i am?i really want to change myself but to lose many things along the way is not the way.i cant please all around me cant i?but what can i do?i sometimes want to spill out my feelings to anyone of you guys but i feel like im a broken record playing through your ears,and yes i have told one that i dont have a particular person to spill all out cause i know that that person will get sick of me.i will see a pattern in my life,its either people will hate or love me.oh well,thanks blog,i know you are the only one i can talk to.im sorry guys,this is stupid of me.