suddenly i feel so empty, i feel like im moving towards a wall which is not there.for the first time in my life i feel that nothing is important to me,not god,not friends not family, its like nothing really matters to me anymore.
never in my life i feel like im walking towards a hole without caring if i were to fall and die,i want to feel up my empty self with something but i dont have anything to fill it up with,what the fuck is wrong with me,people say i behave as though im not my age,not in the matured way but in the childish way,can i blame anyone for my childish behaviour?my parents?my friends?the people around me? i cant,like one said, you can go blaming everywhere but it wont change anything as you yourself are the one to blame,how bout my childhood?still i cant blame that?i want to change myself but when i change myself,people will slowly hate me,i tried to change to something i was not a few years back and almost half of the world hated me, but i know that was good enough to show me who my true friends were,now i being someone trying to please others,its my nature to do that,but its not bringing any benefits for myself,but how can i be so selfish,see how confused i am?i really want to change myself but to lose many things along the way is not the way.i cant please all around me cant i?but what can i do?i sometimes want to spill out my feelings to anyone of you guys but i feel like im a broken record playing through your ears,and yes i have told one that i dont have a particular person to spill all out cause i know that that person will get sick of me.i will see a pattern in my life,its either people will hate or love me.oh well,thanks blog,i know you are the only one i can talk to.im sorry guys,this is stupid of me.

whats the use of having all the money in the world when you cant buy the one you want to love?
whats the use of being the smartest man on earth but you cant understand the one you want to love?
life is never easy, not even the riches and smart have it the easy way,they might even want to be poor or just plain dumb just to be happy.

had the sick week, i was having flu for 4 days in 7 days? yeah, but i dont know why when i work or hang outside, i feel fine, but still a bit sick,when im at home..water pipe!but im feeling a lot better right now as compared to the other few days.oh what a boring post,bye

susu?

you know today is your day.

sooooooooooooooooo

happy birthday babe(its a female btw)

how old are you? 2? yup.. but you look fat as a 20 yr old.

hahaha.. its a blessing to have you in the house. XD

now i regret deleting my previous blog,
damn, i remember that i had a lot of bad , good and ugly memories on that blog, i was in a haywire state when i deleted the previous blog, thats a bad thing about me, dont think before doing.

oh well no use as i cant bring it back. but i still remember some of the posts like when i first blog, i used many colours to post , yah, thinking back it was very very funny and my english on that particular post was... wow.. hahaha
then i remember that when i started blogging it was 2005 which was during my N levels, haha and during that time i didnt had any computer at home and was using my jiran's house computer and also my cousin's computer to update.haha.then i blogged bout how i didnt managed to get to sec 5, and the trouble of retaining.i remember the first day of 2006, i was so pissed off at miss santha at getting caught for short hair(imagine slope at the back and no fringe and STILL i got caught?) haha.how i got to know COE(later known as COS), and how i managed to bond with the class so quickly,oh great times

i had my first so called heartbreak post a few months later and how i got tags from friends giving me advise and etc.haha.to think of it, it was a wake up call for me as i slowly got to know more about how to really take care of a girl's heart(im not a master right now but at least i know im doing a good job CEHHHHHHHHHHHH)hahaha, how i learn to post long long long post thanks to nat(dpt name sikit eh boy XD) and also how to post crap stuff(thanks to star/buah) haha i also improve my english language(thanks to adlan), and also a bit of religious stuff (from wak din).and also finally how to post indirect post (from beng) XD.

as my blog got lots of readers, i remembered i post some stupid stuffs like me fighting with a apek?("you wait ah, i call my maid" wtf?) hahaha.how we always get caught at school for our "long" hair. i also post about how i met shikyn(the tall as me hot girl) and where we went and stuffs.oh oh sweet memories.

i also remembered how i post bout major football finals eg. champions league final 2006 and fa cup final 2006 where barcelona won the CL and liverpool won the FA cup and getting opinions from bloggers bout the performance and etc.another great memories.

i also remembered when i post about when we got our N level results and who made it and who didnt and meeting khairiyah for the first time on my N level results.. ahhhhh.. remember khai? ingat tak? hahaha and 2006 was also when i met haikal(kel) and lan and how we form the smudge and how we bonded together and made music under the void deck(now called ernyvoid), running play, the artist, four walls, how we went to boardwalk by accident.awwww sweet sweet memories.

2007 , wow, too much hatred , anger and karma in my blog, how i broke up with khai, what i did on my bdae, how i enjoyed being 18, how i met nabilah and how long i waited for her but in the end it lasted for 2 months only.
the first half of 2008 wasnt much better for me too, my failure for O levels, the worst bdae i had in my life, how i got close to someone but in the end we drifted apart and false hopes about me and nabilah getting back again.

the second half of 2008 and now im here with HBT, the best thing so far i had in my teenager life,why i say teenager life? im turning fucking 20 soon in 2 months time! adulthood here i come.but recently we(HBT) havent been seeing each other for a long time, but like a friend said, something good is worth waiting for right? cheers to that.

this second half of 2008 also brought me some of my old friends back to me, and i dont know why its like one by one they started to talk to me and did some catching up, like for example, my beloved childhood friend SAB, after so how many millions years not seeing each other, we finally caught up with each other this year, and on her special day too, her birthday, when i saw her after many years, all the childhood memories started to replay back in my mind and how stupid i was going MIA from you when we were in secondary school days.and we even stayed in the same flat! oh bad was that?like you said,slowly we are starting our own lives and we cant meet or see or talk to each other everyday.i hope we wont forget each other,i think you are the only one who have seen me change in many different ways,dont you SAB? XD

*judging(inside joke) hahaha! XD XD XD

what will be there for me in the future?i wont rather not know as i didnt expect my life to be this way so far and im happy for what i have right now,anything more will be a bonus? XD

i think i have bipolar disorder? what do you think?

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Bipolar_disorder

we will never be like them or anyone of them

if we wish to be this way

its better that we move on with our lives

i don't see a point of us carrying on with this

just take note,if you know who i am referring to

open house at PP starbucks was alright i guess, i get to meet all the partners and get to know a few of them, and it started in a wrong tone as it rained heavily and we had to clear the puddles and wipe all the wet tables but as it got along, it was great.i don't have the pictures and i don't know who to ask for the pictures, only my third day in store training and i had my first open house.

alright thats all i have to say,hopefully life will go on,sorry if i have been to emotional in my post lately,thanks

XD

slowly but surely one by one is leaving

oh man, im feeling it

not that im the one dissappearing

i mean look at yourself

occupying time with useless junks and whatsoever

what am i trying to say?

i dont even know

im just updating for the sake of updating

see ya

fading slowly the feelings i am it is when will it end show

XD